Q: Please introduce yourself.
Koh Poh Koon: I am a son of Punggol
KJ: I am the son of JBJ
Desmond Lim: I am a son of M1
Lee Li Lian: I am a son of…, no wait, I am an Ah Lian
Q: What is your tag-line for this by-election?
Koh Poh Koon: I don’t need your sympathy votes.
KJ: I don’t want your sympathy votes. Don’t vote for me just because of JBJ
Desmond Lim: I need your votes to retain my election deposit.
Lee Li Lian: They don wan, I wan! Don’t shy! Give me your vote lah!
Q: What is your 5-year plan?
Koh Poh Koon: To do well enough to be ‘tapped’ by PM.
KJ: Something that won’t cost much. Yes— I will take Teochew lessons. That’s cheaper than a boob job + sex change!
Desmond Lim: To come up with another new colour for the SDA logo by 2016
Lee Li Lian: Where got 5 years? Can count or not? Next GE three years away only lah!
Q: What is this by-election about to you?
Koh Poh Koon: Rivervale Mall
KJ: Sending another Jeyaretnam into Parliament
Desmond Lim: To save face.
Lee Li Lian: The political weather reading for the PAP (aka ‘barometer’)
Q: Why might you lose this by-election?
Koh Poh Koon: Because of Palmer’s cockup and AIM’s screwup.
KJ: Because of ‘threats’ to me and my family, because my son got ‘cyber-bullied’, because MSM confused the public about my rally, because I had to cancel a walkabout due to my police report, etc etc etc.
Desmond Lim: Because money no enough to hold rally after paying all those underage supporters.
Lee Li Lian: Because of those two bloody jokers.
See also: Punggol East Humour